I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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