Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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