i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
