my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
