Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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