My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Randomize
