two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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