Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
