Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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