my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
