i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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