I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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