I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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