doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
