3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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