Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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