Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
