lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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