HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
