There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it's like heaven, but drunker
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Randomize
