you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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