Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
