when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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