thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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