I wish i was in the wii world.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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