yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
