dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
