i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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