So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
