Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
