eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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