I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
