i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
