Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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