you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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