My girlfriend figured out who you are.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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