you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
