Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
