Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
