Hippo gnu deer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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