The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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