It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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