your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
