Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
