it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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