Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
