A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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