Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
