I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
