margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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