Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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