im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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