Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
