I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
