I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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