it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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