i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
