oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
