i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
