He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
