i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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