i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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