first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
