I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize