Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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