I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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