I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
