It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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