she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
