what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The Olympian is in my bed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
