Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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