is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
