I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
