If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
