Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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