I'm going to jail i love you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
