My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
3 2 1 whiskey
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
