unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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